it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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