it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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