We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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