Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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