Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
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