The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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