is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
