dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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