The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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