I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
