i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
