dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
