I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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