Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if only i could text you this smell
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
