Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
