hotel room ftw
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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