I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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