Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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