Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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