If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
