I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
