I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
