I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
