I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
