I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
