Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
