so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
