I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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