is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
