just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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