My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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