Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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