dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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