Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
