Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
