hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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