i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
