I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
