nut hugger
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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