I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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