Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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