So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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