You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
