Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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