Four minutes until I can fart!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
