im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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