Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
