All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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