I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
