It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
