I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
